Exercise for couples to re-romanticize the relationship

Working time: approximately 30 minutes.

Duration of application: 7 days.

Tools: pencil, paper.

Method: Each member of the couple is asked to write down individually as many statements as possible in each of steps 1-3.

Step 1: Identify and write down a few things your partner is doing for you right now that you like. For example, you can write “I feel loved and appreciated when you give me a kiss before you leave home,” or “I feel loved and appreciated when you tell me you love me,” and so on.

Step 2: Remember the romantic periods of your relationship. Are there behaviors through which your partner has shown you love and appreciation, but which he/she no longer does? Here you could write something like “I felt loved and appreciated when you wrote me a love letter”, or “I felt loved and appreciated when we made love several times in the same day” and so on.

Step 3: Now think of some behaviors through which your partner could make you feel loved and appreciated, but that you haven’t told him/her about before. These behaviors can spring from your vision of a perfect relationship or from previous experiences. An example of behavior might be “I’d love to have a massage for 30 minutes without a break,” or “I’d love to take a bath together,” and so on.

Step 4: At this point each of the two partners has in front of them the sheet of paper on which they completed the statements required by steps 1-3. You exchange lists and for 5-10 minutes you have the task to meditate on the statements noted by your partner. Don’t talk about the reasons why you wrote what you wrote.

Take each statement as a requirement and put an X next to the statements you don’t like and don’t want to fulfill at this time. For example, if your partner wrote “I liked and felt loved when you wrote me a love letter,” and you don’t want to write him/her a love letter, put an X next to that statement.

You will have to practice at least once a day for a week at least two of the behaviors that do not have an X next to them. Your partner will do the same.

Note: At some point you may become reluctant to follow the steps in this exercise. Don’t stop! Follow each step until the end of the exercise.